The Auros Blog

The Great Auros Mince Pie User Experience Test

All characters appearing in this work are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons or pies, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

In a move that is in no way intended to be interpreted as light-hearted Christmas fun, we at Auros have decided to once and for all answer the pressing question of which mince pies offer the best User Experience. Not since the infamous Mince Pie Inquisition of 1643 (which resulted in the deaths of 13 bakers, sentenced to execution by being soaked overnight in brandy, wrapped in all-butter shortcrust pastry, and baked in a hot oven for 30 minutes), has such a thorough test of the pie-maker’s art taken place.

Risking diabetes and obesity, our small band of dedicated fatties Mince Pie User Experience Analysis Executives set out to perform a series of rigorous tests that would stretch their waistbands dedication to the scientific process to breaking point.

The rules

This was to be a test solely of pre-packaged, traditional pies. No ‘from our in-store bakery’ funny-business, no puff-pastry, and definitely none of that awful, “What’s that noise? Oh it’s the sound of my teeth rotting…”, icing. We tested 14 varieties in total, including many variations from the same supermarkets.

Testing was rigorous, deeply scientific and conformed to all known international mince-pie UX testing guidelines. Testers were required to eat each type of pie and rate it according to a set of strictly defined and occasionally contradictory criteria, moving through all 14 types.  That is unless of course they started to feel a bit poorly, or really couldn’t manage any more, or had already had quite a large breakfast, or just didn’t want to.  Ratings were from 1 to 5, except for those from one person who added ratings of ‘0’, ‘6’ and ‘squadgy’. Unfortunately for them, being able to count from 1 to 5 was a basic requirement of their employment contract.

Cost was not a consideration of the test, although you could regard the purchasing process as part of the overall user experience, and Lidl did stiff me for £1.69 for a box of yellow, brandy-flavoured paperweights. Pirates.

The test

It was a tough job, but someone had to do it. The basic method of testing was simple. Each tester used the white, bony stubs that line the inside of the big opening in their face to break off a piece of the pie. They would then use these same bony stubs to mash up the piece of pie along with a self-generated liquid additive, finally letting it slide into the hole at the back and down to their torso-mounted food-bag, all the while paying attention to the various electro-chemical signals that were resultant from this process.

Pies were also rated according to accessibility, appearance, build-quality, features, cross-platform compatibility and text-only mode. As anyone in this industry will tell you, these are all features that have huge significance on the overall user-experience. In terms of platforms, we tested iPad, Blackberry, and older mobile platforms. We didn’t bother to test on a PC since most things seem to work on a PC, right?

The results

The lowest scoring pie, with 14 out of a possible 30, was, somewhat unsurprisingly, Morrisons Value Mince Pies. These lifeless mock-pastry cobblestones had a filling described by one tester as being reminiscent of ‘fruity sand’.  They did, however, score highly on cross-platform compatibility. Being quite squat and regular they balanced well, meaning that a full pack could be stacked easily on an iPad with room to spare. Our testers were unsure what to do with the text-only mode – some felt its brevity to be a virtue, others a curse. Perhaps the way that “Sulphur Dioxide” shone out of the ingredients list counted against them. For all their failings, let’s be honest: if they were served hot and drowned in cream you’d still quite happily put a couple away any day of the week. Or maybe that’s just us.

A point and a half above this result came Mr Kipling, who it turns out makes Exceedingly Average mince pies. Just a half-point ahead were Asda ‘Chosen by you’ mince pies, which clearly weren’t. It’s also worth noting that the Asda pies left much too much sugar on the Blackberry during cross-platform testing.

In joint fourth-from-last place came Tesco ‘Deep Filled’ pies, Morrisons ‘Deep Filled’ pies, and Lidl’s ‘Deluxe Luxury Mince Pies’. We spent quite some time shopping for “Averagely Filled” pies to compare against, but without success. Most notable of these three were the Lidl pies which were intended to seem full of rich, buttery goodness, but actually looked jaundiced. Curiously the filling of these seemed to be mixed with B&Q paintbrush cleaner, a tipple that many amongst our development team are familiar with, but all agreed that it’s really a summer drink, and so not suitable for Christmas.

We now move into the countdown for the top five places. Sharing joint fifth place come Sainsbury’s ‘Taste the Difference’ mini mince pies. These little wonders were of M&S rivalling quality, with a pretty star for a lid and a filling that appeared to have come into contact with genuine brandy. Their petite stature ensured excellent cross-platform compatibility (up to four on a Blackberry with a steady hand and no wind), and text-only mode included the word ‘dainty’ which won many friends amongst our more metrosexual testers. If not for a poor showing during accessibility tests (no perforations on the box, we struggled with the plastic wrapping, and the foil seemed to be welded to the pastry) these pies could have gone all the way.

With the same number of points were Morrisons ‘The Best’ pies. Deemed extremely accessible with no inner wrapper and easy foil-disengagement, it was a merely average showing under the other categories that stymied these pies’ chances of a podium spot. Cross-platform compatibility was especially poor, being much too lumpy to balance well, and generating the kind of small crumbs that can kill a Blackberry keyboard.

In joint fourth place we find Marks & Spencer ‘Mini All Butter Mince Pies’ and Sainsbury’s ‘Deep Filled’ mince pies. The Sainsbury’s pies succeeded by being just a bit above average on all counts, while the M&S pies are something of a mystery, a point which we shall return to later.

Third place was secured by Asda ‘All Butter Mini Mince Pies’. Aside from noting a clear infringement of the Trade Descriptions Act on discovery that they were not in fact constructed entirely from butter as stated, but from a vaguely alcoholic fruit mix wrapped in pastry, these pies scored highly on most counts amongst all of our testers. Their standout moment came during cross platform testing when the grippy, sugar-encrusted top turned out to aid the process of balancing pie-on-pie considerably. A disappointing score average of just 2 out of 5 for content and features kept them well away from the top spot though.

In joint second place were both sets of Waitrose pies. Our advice to consumers would be that if build-quality and the number you can balance on an iPad is crucial, then stick with the standard pies. But if content, features and a lack of a potato-like after-taste are where it’s at for you in mince pie terms, the ‘All Butter’ variety may well be worth the extra money.

Finally, (drum-roll please) we get to our overall winner! With particularly high scores for build-quality, content and compatibility, and securing a grand total of 22 out of 30, we have Marks & Spencer ‘Mini All Butter Mince Pies’. Yes, you read that right: they have the same name as those in fourth place. But these were in a red box, right? And the others were in a blue box. So either the psychological effects of box-colour on pie enjoyment run deeper than anyone ever imagined was possible, or our testing team was utterly fed up of mince pies by the time they reached the blue box. For the sake of all our reputations, let’s hope it was the former.

We truly hope our in-depth UX test of fruit-filled, pastry-encased festive delights has helped to clarify the ever-changing and increasingly complex mince pie market. Unless of course you like your mince pies with icing on, in which case you should be thoroughly ashamed of yourself.

Merry Christmas!

Additional: Our Managing Director has asked me to point out that the results of this test may not be 100% reliable, probably shouldn't be counted on when making your mince pie buying decisions, and that we're a lot better at building websites than UX-testing baked goods. Oh, and apologies to Morrisons for calling their pies 'lifeless mock-pastry cobblestones' - they were OK really...ahem...